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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126894">I Would Rather Be Together Alone</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/imherecauseimnotallthere98/pseuds/imherecauseimnotallthere98'>imherecauseimnotallthere98</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), First Kiss, Getting Together, Human Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, No Sex, No Smut, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Castiel (Supernatural), Sex-Repulsed Castiel (Supernatural), Sex-Repulsed Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:46:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,836</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126894</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/imherecauseimnotallthere98/pseuds/imherecauseimnotallthere98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Alphas,” Castiel began. “Go into rut and omegas... go into estrous.”</p>
<p>The last part he mumbled into his pillow, but Dean caught enough of it. For once, he thanked crappy motel TVs that only had five channels, and his brother’s weird nature documentary phase when he was 11. He knew he’d heard that word before.</p>
<p>“Are you... you’re in <i>heat</i>?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Would Rather Be Together Alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The title is from All Our Own by Radio Company</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After 12 years, Dean had assumed he knew Castiel well enough that there weren’t any major surprises left to find out. Especially after going through figurative and literal Hell together several times. He could tell you the guy’s favourite food was a simple cheeseburger, that he put up with Dean’s music but would rather listen to something instrumental and calm, and that when he was pissed Castiel’s eyes were still an electric blue even without his grace.</p>
<p>But even though Dean knew Castiel had been an angel for most of the time they’d known each other, sometimes it was easy to forget what that meant. The whole size-of-the-Chrysler-Building thing was easy to forget when all Dean saw was a guy with messy hair and a backward tie. Cas was his friend, his family, and sometimes it was hard to remember that he was actually so unfathomable most people couldn’t look at his true form without dying or seriously hurting themselves.</p>
<p>Or at least that’s what he used to be. When the other angels gave Castiel an ultimatum, return to heaven permanently or fall and become human, Dean had been sure that was goodbye. He’d seen the wistful look on the angel’s face sometimes, when Cas would look up at the stars on a late-night drive back to the bunker. Of course Cas would want to be back home with his remaining family.</p>
<p>Dean had made some selfish choices in his life, but he would never ask Castiel to give up his home and his grace just because Dean didn’t want to lose his best friend. He’d had nothing but time and chances to tell Cas how he felt about him, and maybe try for something more, but he’d feared losing what they had. He’d convinced himself having Cas around was good enough. That he could settle for loving the angel from afar. But faced with the reality of losing Castiel forever, Dean had felt hollow and cold inside.</p>
<p>Cas had taken a few days to consider their offer, and on the morning when he’d announced, over pancakes no less, that he’d made his choice, Dean nearly puked. Just as he’d been thinking he could never eat pancakes again, Cas had said that he was going to stay.</p>
<p>Dean had dropped the fork he’d forgotten was in his hand and pulled the angel into a hug. The weight that had been growing in his chest for days had lifted instantly, and Dean had been downright giddy.</p>
<p>Castiel’s falling was less violent and physical than Dean had imagined. Years ago, Anna had impressed him when she told him how she’d ripped her grace from her body and plummeted to Earth. But imaging Cas doing the same was upsetting. How would he even survive that?</p>
<p>On the day Cas had picked to fall, it had surprised Dean to learn the process was boring. Two angels he didn’t think he’d ever met, whose names he wasn’t able to pronounce, had shown up to help. Apparently, it was more of a ritual than he’d thought, and far nicer than when Metatron had cut out Castiel’s grace. They had needed some of Castiel’s blood, but they had used grace to acquire it. About a vial’s worth appeared in the old stone bowl they’d brought, mixing with other substances Dean didn’t recognize.</p>
<p>Because Jimmy’s soul had already gone to Heaven years ago, Castiel had decided to make his vessel his permanent body. The first part of the ritual had been to tie his true form to his new body permanently. The angels had been vague in their answers when Dean asked about it, only telling him that not doing so would leave Castiel vulnerable. They’d painted sigils on Castiel’s chest, hands, and forehead with the liquid from the bowl. Dean had watched closely, but the sigils hadn’t seemed to hurt Cas at all.</p>
<p>The last half of the ritual involved turning Castiel’s grace into a soul. Dean’s mind had raced at the implications. He’d asked if it worked the other way, if they could turn a soul into grace and make a human into an angel. The two angels had looked at him like he was crazy, or stupid. But Cas had said that it wasn’t possible. He’d tried to explain in more detail, but it was complicated and had something to do with souls being too powerful. Dean hadn’t really understood how a soul was stronger than something that allowed Castiel to fly and heal instantly, but he’d let it go. He’d only asked because he was curious, not because he wanted to turn himself or anyone else into an angel.</p>
<p>He’d watched as one angel made a cut at the base of Castiel’s throat. Once she’d coaxed the grace out into a separate stone bowl, the second angel placed her hand over the cut, healing it instantly. The next part had been up to Castiel. He’d taken the bowl that held his swirling grace and began chanting in Enochian. As he began repeating the chant, the other two joined in. The grace shone brighter and brighter until it changed from a cool blue to a blinding white. From there, one angel cradled it in her hand, gentle compared to how she had to reach into Castiel’s chest to place it.</p>
<p>She’d worked fast, in and out in less than five seconds, but even so, Castiel screamed and was sweating when she’d finished. He’d collapsed to his knees after a moment, and Dean had rushed to his side.</p>
<p>Cas had been quick to assure him he would be fine. It was just an overwhelming experience. The pain seemed to fade quickly, leaving Castiel tired and fully human. He’d slept for 18 hours after that, and when he’d woken up, he ate damn near everything in the kitchen that wasn’t raw.</p>
<p>It took a couple of weeks for his body to settle down and work itself into a routine. He still slept late most mornings, but Dean had a feeling that was just the type of guy Cas was now. Not a morning person. He barely spoke without two cups of coffee in him. Except for that one time Dean bought him a coffee with a shot of espresso in it, and Cas hadn’t been able to stop fidgeting for 5 hours. Never again, he and Dean agreed.</p>
<p>That was 2 months ago. Since then, Cas was becoming accustomed to being human. Slowly. Cornflakes and having to shower were still overwhelming for him some days. So when Dean noticed some behaviour that he secretly thought was <i>off</i>, he let it go. He figured Cas had a lot on his mind. If anyone was entitled to some bad days while they adjusted, it was Cas.</p>
<p>Plus, Dean was pretty sure the poor guy had picked up his first flu. For the last two days, Castiel had locked himself in his room. Dean assumed he was just sleeping, because when he finally <i>did</i> make an appearance to grab some food or a cup of tea, he was sweaty and flushed, wrapped only in a bathrobe.</p>
<p>Dean felt bad. Since Castiel hadn’t left the bunker in over a week, it was odd that he’d caught the flu when both Sam and Dean felt fine. But Dean tried to be rational. Maybe Cas’s immune system was weak after everything he’d been through. And, being that this was his first time sick, maybe he was just getting hit hard with something a regular person could shrug off in a day.<br/>But when Dean tried to ask Castiel how he was feeling, offer some support, or even just ask if there was anything he could do to help, Cas brushed him off and quickly shuffled back down the hall to his room. It was a little rude, but Dean let it go. He himself wasn’t exactly known for keeping calm and polite when he was stressed, and Cas had been through the mother of all stressful life changes. Being a little snippy was understandable.</p>
<p>But by the time they hit day 3 and Castiel only seemed sicker, Dean was getting worried. The former angel had only emerged from his room once yesterday, and Dean only knew that because Sam had been in the kitchen when Cas came in and grabbed a handful of granola bars and a Gatorade.</p>
<p>“You think he needs a doctor or something?” Dean asked when he realized it was 3 in the afternoon and Cas was still in his room.</p>
<p>“For the flu?” Sam asked, not looking up from his laptop. They weren’t really on the hunt for a case just yet, but it didn’t hurt to monitor the local news.</p>
<p>“But what if it isn’t the flu? You and I haven’t caught it, and he seems like he’s just getting worse.”</p>
<p>“Well, if it <i>is</i> a flu then he just needs rest, and if it <i>isn’t</i> a flu, I don’t know what a doctor could do for him. What else would it be?” Sam asked, shutting his laptop and finally looking at Dean.</p>
<p>“I don’t know! Some weird angel thing? Didn’t you say vessels sometimes have side effects after the angel or demon leaves?”</p>
<p>Sam nodded, but he didn’t look convinced.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but the side effects are normally things like still hearing angel radio, or smelling sulfur all the time. And most people said that stuff was worse right after the possession ended. After a month they felt normal again.”</p>
<p>Dean didn’t know why this stressed him out so badly, but something in his gut told him this wasn’t a regular, human illness. Cas seemed... scared.</p>
<p>“Okay, yeah, but Jimmy was a vessel for over a decade, not just a week or a month. And it’s not like Cas left his body, he became human in it. He might not have regular vessel issues. What if something went wrong during that ritual?”</p>
<p>“Have you asked Cas about it?”</p>
<p>Dean scoffed, tossing his hands up.</p>
<p>“The dude won’t talk to me for more than 5 seconds! I haven’t seen him in two days.”</p>
<p>Sam gave him an unimpressed look. Yeah, yeah, who was Dean to bitch about someone avoiding a conversation? Castiel had probably learned it from him.</p>
<p>“You know he hides things when something’s wrong. He’s in his room now. Just ask go ask him.”</p>
<p>Dean hated that Sam could always get through his panicky, mother-hen instincts and make him see the logic. It made his brother a smug bastard in situations like this. Of course Sam was right to suggest asking Cas, but somehow that never seemed like an option to Dean. But if Cas was going to live here, and Dean was adamant he did, then they would have to learn how to talk.</p>
<p>Dean left Sam in the library, forcing himself to walk at a normal speed to Cas’s room. When he got there, he hesitated. What if Cas was sleeping? Or if going from a warrior of Heaven to a sick human embarrassed him? What if Dean was overreacting? Dean shook his head. He knew he was just looking for an out so he didn’t have to risk learning something more serious was wrong with his friend.</p>
<p>Dean knocked on the door.</p>
<p>“Cas?”</p>
<p>There was no answer at first, and Dean was about to walk away and try later, when he heard a groan. It wasn’t loud, but it was loud enough that Castiel must have made it on purpose. Dean took it as an invitation and quietly cracked the door open.</p>
<p>“Cas?” he tried again, a little louder this time.</p>
<p>The room smelled like sweat, and Dean realized Castiel had probably been sleeping on the same gross sheets for the last four days. Normally Dean would wash all the bedding every two weeks, but with Cas being in his room so much this week, he hadn’t had the chance. Poor guy. That couldn’t be making him feel much better.</p>
<p>“Dean?” Castiel asked, his voice almost a whine.</p>
<p>Dean had <i>never</i>, even in the face of certain painful death, heard Castiel whine. It shocked him enough that it took a moment to find his voice again. He pushed the door open further and slipped inside.</p>
<p>“Y-yeah, buddy, it’s me. You’re still feeling shitty, huh?”</p>
<p>Dean made his way deeper into the room, shutting the door behind him. He noticed another smell now, one he was sure couldn’t be there. His brain must be playing tricks on him, because there was no way, no reason, for Cas’s room to stink like sex.</p>
<p>Cas grunted, curling tighter around the pillow he held in his arms. He almost looked like a little kid with a teddy bear, and for one ridiculous moment, Dean felt the urge to go buy him a stuffed animal. He’d never seen his friend, a warrior of Heaven and one-third of Team Free Will, look so small.</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine,” Cas said, though he sounded like he wasn’t sure about that.</p>
<p>Now that he was closer, Dean could see that Castiel didn’t look sleepy at all. His eyes were wide open, staring straight ahead at the wall. His hands curled and uncurled tightly around the pillow in his grasp, and beneath the covers his legs shifted restlessly.</p>
<p>Dean once again thought this didn’t look like the flu. Despite Cas’s fever-bright eyes and flushed face, something in Dean wasn’t convinced.</p>
<p>“Uh, in the meantime, you must want some fresh blankets, huh? Do you think I can move you to that chair for a minute so I can change your sheets?”</p>
<p>Castiel’s eyes went wide, and he shook his head quickly.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>Dean hesitated, wondering where the boundaries were for this sort of thing. He was the one with the most experience as a human, and he knew how to make someone who was sick feel better. But Cas was learning his new body, and with that came making mistakes. If he wanted to lie in his own gross sheets, he could learn the hard way that it would just make him feel shittier longer.</p>
<p>Screw it. Dean hadn’t been one for making people learn the hard way since Sam broke his arm when they were kids. He knew how to make this better, and damn it, Cas was going to let him.</p>
<p>“Come on, Cas. I promise you’ll feel so much better after. Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll clean up in here a little, huh?”</p>
<p>“<i>No</i>,” Cas said again, gripping the pillow tighter.</p>
<p>Dean sighed, moving in closer until he was in Castiel’s line of sight. He almost sat on the edge of the bed, but with how Cas had been avoiding him, he settled for crouching on the floor.</p>
<p>“What’s going on, Cas? Be honest with me here. This isn’t just the flu, is it?”</p>
<p>Cas’s eyes met Dean’s for the first time in days. For a moment Dean thought Cas wouldn’t answer. But then the former angel sighed.</p>
<p>“No, it’s not.”</p>
<p>Dean’s heart sank while his mind raced. Cas must have seen the panic building, because he quickly continued.</p>
<p>“Please don’t worry. It’s not fatal.”</p>
<p>“So you know what it is?”</p>
<p>Cas looked extremely uncomfortable. He couldn’t meet Dean’s eyes as he muttered a quiet, “Yes.”</p>
<p>Dean felt the urge to reach out and run his fingers through Cas’s sweat-damp hair, rub his shoulder, something to comfort him. But he kept his hands firmly on his knees.</p>
<p>“Okay, so if you know what it is, then I can help you, right?”</p>
<p>“No!” Cas yelped, honest to god <i>fear</i> colouring his voice. His eyes locked on Dean’s, watching him nervously. Dean held up his hands, leaning away from the bed.</p>
<p>“Cas, it’s just me. I’m not gonna hurt you.”</p>
<p>Cas relaxed, but only marginally. His body was still a solid bundle of tension under the blankets, and Dean was pretty sure he was shivering.</p>
<p>“Can you at least tell me what’s going on?” Dean asked. “If you don’t want my help, alright. But I’m worried about you.”</p>
<p>Cas looked lost for a moment, so Dean gave him a lead into the conversation.</p>
<p>“Is this a leftover angel thing?”</p>
<p>Castiel nodded slowly, the flush in his cheeks and neck not entirely from the fever. It wasn’t often Dean had seen Cas ashamed, and the sight didn’t sit well with him.</p>
<p>“It’s complicated,” Castiel said. “When I became human, I thought that meant this was over. But...”</p>
<p>Cas gestured to his sweaty, disheveled self. Yeah, clearly he wasn’t done with... whatever this was. Dean kept silent, afraid if he said the wrong thing, Cas would stop talking.</p>
<p>“As you know, angels differ from humans in practically every way...”</p>
<p>Dean nodded.</p>
<p>“... one of those ways is... how we reproduce. Angels have no gender, but there are other traits that separate us. The main one is whether an angel is an alpha or an omega.”</p>
<p>Here, Castiel paused, and Dean wondered if he should say something. But he was more lost now than he had been two minutes ago. It really seemed like this was something he should have known about Cas before, but he was sure the former angel had never brought this up before. Clearly talking about it embarrassed him.</p>
<p>“Okay...” Dean tried gently, hoping the wrong thing didn’t come out of his mouth. “And you’re...?”</p>
<p>“An omega,” Castiel said. “Though I didn’t think... humans have no such classifications, so it makes no sense that I’m still... like this.”</p>
<p>Dean was still confused, but this was the longest conversation he’d had with Cas in four days, and he counted that as a win.</p>
<p>“Okay, so what you’re going through right now is an omega thing?”</p>
<p>Cas nodded, looking like he wanted to hide under the covers for days. Dean still wasn’t clear on why this was so embarrassing, especially if it was so common among the angels.</p>
<p>“Alphas,” Castiel began. “Go into rut and omegas... go into estrous.”</p>
<p>The last part he mumbled into his pillow, but Dean caught enough of it. For once, he thanked crappy motel TVs that only had five channels, and his brother’s weird nature documentary phase when he was 11. He knew he’d heard that word before.</p>
<p>“Are you... you’re in <i>heat</i>?”</p>
<p>Cas groaned, burying his face into his pillow and looking like he wanted the bed to swallow him whole. Dean didn’t know what to say, but he was pretty sure saying the right thing was important right now.</p>
<p>“I don’t remember you going through this before.”</p>
<p>Castiel shook his head, pulling his face out of his pillow enough to talk.</p>
<p>“It only happens every few decades. And... the cycle pauses if it’s not a safe time to...”</p>
<p>Dean nodded.</p>
<p>“Okay. Well, if you’re experiencing this, then that means you feel safe, right? Isn’t that a good thing?”</p>
<p>“No! It’s not a good thing! I don’t want to be in heat, Dean. You don’t know how uncomfortable this is without an alpha to help.”</p>
<p>Dean felt sick jealousy twist his gut, but ignored it. This wasn’t about him and whatever feelings he pretended not to have for Cas. This was about easing his best friend’s pain and supporting him through this. No matter how much the idea of someone else touching Castiel that way made him want to break something.</p>
<p>“Okay, alright. Is there an alpha angel you trust enough to call?”</p>
<p>Cas shook his head.</p>
<p>“I don’t want an alpha.”</p>
<p>Dean frowned.</p>
<p>“But you said-”</p>
<p>“My <i>body</i> wants an alpha. <i>I</i> do not.”</p>
<p>Dean’s frown deepened.</p>
<p>“Why not? If it would help-”</p>
<p>“<i>No</i>,” Castiel said, and for a moment his voice took on all the strength he’d possessed as an angel. But behind it, Dean heard the fear.</p>
<p>“Hey, no one is gonna make you do something you don’t want, okay? If you say no alpha, then that’s it.”</p>
<p>Cas relaxed again, letting out a shaky sigh.</p>
<p>“In Heaven... no one ever forced me, but... I was a freak. For spending my heats alone. They didn’t understand.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think you’re a freak,” Dean said, finally setting a careful hand on Cas’s shoulder. He felt some tension there melt away.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Dean nodded, giving Cas’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before letting go to stand up. His knees were already killing him from squatting so long, any longer, and he might not get up at all.</p>
<p>“Okay, so no alpha. But is there anything else we can do to make this easier for you? How long does a heat last, anyway?”</p>
<p>Castiel sighed, grimacing as he rolled onto his back so he could keep Dean in his sight.</p>
<p>“Usually 7 days, but it’s hard to know what this one will be like. It’s several years delayed, and I didn’t even know it was possible for a fallen angel to have a heat.”</p>
<p>Dean nodded, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible so Cas wouldn’t think he was freaking out. Which he wasn’t, mostly. He was definitely going to see if the bunker library had anything on angel heats later, though.</p>
<p>“Alright, so what do you need? More water? Some soup?”</p>
<p>“... I would enjoy some clean sheets,” Cas admitted shyly.</p>
<p>Dean smirked, but let it slide without comment.</p>
<p>“Okay, we can do that. How about a bath?”</p>
<p>“A bath isn’t really possible in my current state. But, um, a shower would help.”</p>
<p>Dean wanted to ask why Cas wouldn’t bathe, but he didn’t want to embarrass his friend any more than he already was. If Cas wanted to tell him, he would.</p>
<p>“Okay, well why don’t you go have a shower and I’ll change your sheets while you’re in there. Do you need help getting down the hall?”</p>
<p>Castiel shook his head. He threw back the blankets, revealing that he had climbed into bed in his robe.</p>
<p>“I’ll wash that too, if you want,” Dean said. “I’m sure some clean clothes will help.”</p>
<p>Cas nodded, climbing out of bed and shuffling to the door. Dean wasted no time pulling the comforter onto the floor and moving on to the sheets. But when he went to grab the fitted sheet, he noticed it looked soaked. Way more than sweat could account for, especially with Cas wearing a robe. Dean turned to ask about it when he noticed that Castiel’s robe was also soaking wet all up the back.</p>
<p>“Uh, Cas?”</p>
<p>The former angel turned, and when his eyes landed on the wet sheets, he flushed an even deeper red.</p>
<p>“Oh. My apologies, Dean. Please let me wash those.”</p>
<p>“Hey, no need to be sorry, just... is this normal?”</p>
<p>Cas nodded, unable to meet Dean’s eyes. Instead, he glared at the bed with enough force that had he still been an angel, Dean doubted the bed would still exist.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Dean said, tone carefully non-judgemental. “Uh, anything I should know before I wash these? Is it gonna hurt me or something? Because I’m not an alpha or whatever?”</p>
<p>Cas shook his head, still flushed red from his neck to his ears.</p>
<p>“It won’t hurt you, but you may not want to touch it. It’s... my slick.”</p>
<p>“Your...?” Dean looked at the sheets again. To soak them and Cas’ robe that much, there must be half a liter of fluid there. No wonder Castiel had been chugging water and tea all week. “This all came... out of you?”</p>
<p>“Yes. To make the way easier for an alpha to...”</p>
<p>Dean nodded. Okay, so Cas got wet when he was in heat. <i>Really</i> wet. Dean had been with a few women who squirted, but even that was nothing compared to this.</p>
<p>“Alright. Alright, I got this,” he told Cas. “I’ll wash these and get you fresh ones while you shower. Just leave the robe outside the bathroom and I’ll grab it on my way.”</p>
<p>“I really can wash them myself,” Castiel said. “I know it may be off-putting for you.”</p>
<p>Dean snorted.</p>
<p>“Cas, man, I regularly wash blood and brains and ghost goo out of my clothes. This is nothing. Seriously, I got this, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>Castiel still didn’t look completely comfortable with the idea, but he also looked like he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He nodded and said a quick thank you before ducking out of the room and heading for the showers.</p>
<p>Dean finished stripping the bed, carefully folding the sheets inside the comforter to contain most of the dampness and smell. Once he had that bundle placed in Cas’s laundry basket, he checked the bed to see if the mattress was wet.</p>
<p>It was completely soaked and ruined. No way he’d ever be able to get it clean.</p>
<p>No matter. The bunker had dozens of rooms with beds in them. Once Dean had tossed the sheets and robe in one washer with extra soap and lots of hot water, and the comforter and pillowcases in another with a gentler, nicer smelling detergent, he went back to Cas’ room.</p>
<p>Dean didn’t want Castiel to feel bad for ruining a mattress, so he quickly pulled it off the box spring and dragged it across the hall into an unused room. He could throw it away later when no one would see. For now, he leaned it against the wall and pulled the clean mattress from the other bed to Castiel’s room.</p>
<p>With a new bed in place, Dean grabbed clean sheets from the linen closet at the end of the hall. Tomorrow he would go into town and pick up a waterproof mattress protector for Cas. But for now, he covered the bed with a fitted sheet, laid down some towels, and then put a second fitted sheet over that. Hopefully, it would be enough to save the mattress for tonight.</p>
<p>Once he finished replacing all the bedding, Dean gathered up all the wrappers and dishes in the room, bringing them to the kitchen to be dealt with later. On his way back, he grabbed several water bottles and as many snacks as he could carry. He didn’t know if Cas would be more willing to leave his room now that Dean knew what was wrong, but he didn’t want Cas to feel like he had to leave if staying in bed was better. </p>
<p>He would have liked to use a can of air freshener to get rid of the smell, but Cas always bitched about the chemicals in those. So instead Dean found some scented candles tucked in the back of the linen closet. He took them and some extra pillows to Cas’s room. The candles were nice, one was lavender and the other smelled like the sea. Dean just hoped that would be enough to cover the smell of sex that Castiel probably wasn’t enjoying. One of the bad things about living underground was the inability to crack a window once in a while.</p>
<p>Dean dumped the pillows on the bed and then headed down the hall for his room. If Cas was going to be stuck in his bed for a few days, he’d need some sort of entertainment. He didn’t even have a radio. So Dean grabbed the small TV from his dresser and carried it to Cas’s room. Netflix must have <i>something</i> that would interest him enough to take his mind off things for a while.</p>
<p>Dean was just arranging the pillows in a sort of upside-down U when Castiel came back, wearing sweats and a shirt this time. His hair was still damp and clung to his forehead as he looked around the room.</p>
<p>“I... you didn’t have to do all this.”</p>
<p>“I wanted to,” Dean said, not about to argue with Cas about deserving to be taken care of. “Did the shower help?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it did. You were right, being clean feels much better. Dean, how did you know to do all this?”</p>
<p>Dean shrugged.</p>
<p>“It’s just kind of the standard when someone is sick, you know? Keep ’em fed, hydrated, and comfy while they get better.”</p>
<p>“You made a nest,” Castiel said, looking at the bed where Dean had piled pillows and blankets until the space looked cozy. “It’s something alphas do for omegas during their heat.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Dean said, feeling heat crawl up his neck. “I just thought... it seemed like something you’d want.”</p>
<p>“It is,” Castiel reassured him. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, no problem, Cas.”</p>
<p>Dean stood awkwardly by the bed, fiddling with his hands when he noticed the smell returning. Castiel’s shower must be wearing off faster than he’d expected. Dean couldn’t imagine feeling painfully horny for a week with no outlet. Even if there wasn’t a willing girl or guy around, at least he had his hand, or-</p>
<p>“Cas, uh... with this whole,” Dean gestured vaguely at the bed and then at Cas. “You know, heat thing. Is there anything you can do to relieve the, uh, pressure?”</p>
<p>Castiel frowned, tilting his head to the side in a way Dean would not admit he found cute.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Fuck, why couldn’t Cas understand the implication just once?</p>
<p>“You know,” Dean said. “Would it help if you… got yourself off?”</p>
<p>The confusion cleared from Castiel’s face.</p>
<p>“Oh. You’re referring to masturbation.”</p>
<p>“I... yeah, that. Would it help?”</p>
<p>Cas shook his head.</p>
<p>“During a heat, an omega can only achieve orgasm if they are knotted.”</p>
<p>Okay, the nature documentary might have covered estrous, but Dean had no idea what the hell <i>knotting</i> was.</p>
<p>“Uh, and that’s not something you could do for yourself?”</p>
<p>“No,” Castiel said, as if the idea was completely ridiculous. “Only an alpha can do it.”</p>
<p>“Right, and that’s still a hard no from you?”</p>
<p>Cas nodded. “Despite what my body wants right now, I have no desire to have sex with anyone. I don’t want to be a slave to my instincts when I know I’ll regret it after.”</p>
<p>He was looking tired, so Dean gestured for him to climb into the unintentional nest he’d made. Once Cas was settled, Dean sat at the foot of the bed.</p>
<p>“Okay, um. I can’t believe I’m gonna ask this, but what is knotting exactly?”</p>
<p>“It’s how alphas stay anchored to an omega during mating. When the alpha orgasms, the base of their penis swells into a knot, keeping them locked inside the omega to increase the chance of a successful breeding.”</p>
<p>Dean was glad he’d sat where he did. From here, Castiel couldn’t see the horrified expression on his face.</p>
<p>“Doesn’t that hurt?”</p>
<p>Cas shrugged, a human gesture he was still fairly new to.</p>
<p>“I’ve never experienced it. Other omegas have told me it feels wonderful, but I never had the desire to find out.”</p>
<p>Dean nodded.</p>
<p>“Don’t ask me how I know this, but... there are toys that could probably simulate that. A knot, I mean. If you wanted.”</p>
<p>Cas shook his head.</p>
<p>“I don’t think it would work. An important part of knotting is the exchange of pheromones. Without an alpha present, a toy wouldn’t do anything more than my hand would.”</p>
<p>Dean sighed, feeling more and more useless as his every attempt to help was shot down. He didn’t <i>wanted</i> to go buy his best friend a weird dildo, but he wanted to do <i>something</i> to help, and so far it didn’t seem like there was anything he could do. Besides keeping Castiel comfortable and waiting it out.</p>
<p>“Have you always gone through these alone?”</p>
<p>Cas shifted in the nest, settling deeper into the pillows.</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>That didn’t sit right with Dean at all. Castiel was clearly suffering, and the idea of him doing this alone for millennia was just too sad.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to stay?”</p>
<p>At that, Cas lifted his head from the pillows to look at Dean. There was confusion and surprise in his face, but also hope.</p>
<p>“No funny business, I promise,” Dean said quickly, hoping Castiel hadn’t misinterpreted his offer. “It just... it doesn’t seem right to leave you like this.”</p>
<p>Cas observed him for a moment, before nodding.</p>
<p>“I would like that.”</p>
<p>Dean grinned and grabbed the remote for the TV.</p>
<p>“Wanna watch something? We can put on one of those British nature documentaries you like.”</p>
<p>Cas nodded, rearranging himself so he’d be able to see the TV from his nest. Once Dean had everything set up and pressed play on a two-hour-long show about the rainforests, he realized he didn’t know where to sit. Castiel solved that problem for him by patting the bed beside him without looking away from the TV. Dean grinned and settled in next to him. He had to move some pillows so there would be room for him, but eventually he found a comfortable position where he could still see the show.</p>
<p>They had only been watching for a few minutes when Cas’s hand inched its way over. Dean watched as Cas tentatively grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm until it settled over his ribs, effectively moving Dean until they were cuddling.</p>
<p>“Is this alright?” Castiel whispered.</p>
<p>In response, Dean shuffled in closer until he was pressed firmly against Castiel’s back. The arm Cas had moved wrapped around the former angel’s chest, pulling him closer. Dean felt Castiel relax against him, letting out a deep sigh into the pillows.</p>
<p>“Does this help you?”</p>
<p>Cas nodded, relaxing further into Dean’s embrace.</p>
<p>“I’ve never wanted an alpha to help me through a heat because I’ve never wanted to have sex. But... sometimes I would hear about how, after mating, alphas would hold and comfort the omegas. I... I didn’t think I could have that.”</p>
<p>Dean hugged Cas closer to his chest, feeling the heat radiating off the former angel, even through both their shirts. The temperature concerned him a little. Castiel seemed perfectly lucid, just tired, but he had to be feeling the effects of staying so warm for so long.</p>
<p>“Do you want a cold cloth or something? Some Tylenol? It would lower your fever, make you feel better.”</p>
<p>Cas shook his head, watching the TV as the documentary showed exotic, colourful birds doing weird mating dances.</p>
<p>“It will go down on its own in a minute with you here.”</p>
<p>Dean would have pulled away to look Cas in the eye, but he didn’t want to jostle him or take away the closeness Castiel was clearly enjoying.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Cas yawned, unconcerned by Dean’s confused tone.</p>
<p>“It’s difficult to explain. I feel better when you’re near, even without alpha pheromones. Your presence comforts the omega side of me.”</p>
<p>Dean ducked his head to rest between Cas’s shoulder blades. Cas did indeed feel a little less warm already.</p>
<p>“So your body thinks I’m an alpha?”</p>
<p>“You’re much better than an alpha. An alpha wouldn’t be able to remain in the room with me this long without mating. And during a rut, they can become... aggressive.”</p>
<p>Although Castiel was a warrior and older than pretty much everything, Dean felt a surge of protective instincts so strong he growled. That, and Cas’s following laugh, was enough to shock him back to the present.</p>
<p>“Relax, Dean. I told you, no one ever forced me. Alphas are aware of the strength of their urges and are careful to make sure the omega is willing before getting too close.”</p>
<p>“... Cas, I just growled.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I heard.”</p>
<p>“Cas, people don’t growl.”</p>
<p>Castiel sighed and rolled onto his back so he could meet Dean’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry. Omegas in heat give off very strong pheromones that trigger a protective instinct in alphas. You’re probably feeling a little of the effects from being so close to me.”</p>
<p>“Do I give off any... pheromones or whatever?”</p>
<p>Cas leaned in until his nose brushed Dean’s neck. Without warning, he inhaled sharply. The sudden brush of cold air against Dean’s neck made him shiver.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Scenting you,” Cas said, like that was the most normal thing in the world. “I was curious. Humans don’t produce pheromones, but since you are reacting to mine, I wondered.”</p>
<p>“And?” Dean asked, still feeling Castiel’s warm nose against his neck.</p>
<p>“You don’t smell any different to me.”</p>
<p>Before Dean could process the fact that Cas knew what he normally smelled like, the former angel was rolling back over to watch TV. A close-up of a weird-looking monkey was playing, but Dean could hardly focus on that.</p>
<p>“So, if I’m not giving off any alpha stink-”</p>
<p>Castiel laughed.</p>
<p>“-then how is this helping with your heat?”</p>
<p>“Because it’s you,” Cas said simply. “I find your presence comforting even outside of my heat.”</p>
<p>Dean smiled softly, ignoring the sudden lump in his throat. He knew Cas didn’t trust easily, not anymore. That he not only trusted Dean, but took comfort from him in his most vulnerable moments, touched Dean deeply.</p>
<p>“I’m glad,” he said, and if his voice was a little raspy, Cas didn’t mention it.</p>
<p>“Dean,” Castiel asked after a few minutes of silence.</p>
<p>“Hmm?” Dean grunted. He’d been dozing off when he heard Castiel’s voice call him back from the brink of unconsciousness.</p>
<p>“Will you... stay? For the rest of my heat, I mean. I know Sam is looking for a hunt, but it’s only a few more days, and-”</p>
<p>“Cas,” Dean interrupted gently, hugging the former angel tighter. “I’d be honoured.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said, and Dean could hear the smile in his voice.</p>
<p>Dean thought about spending the next couple of days like this. Looking after Cas, holding him, reassuring him, making him feel wanted and cared for. It made warmth bloom in his chest. And then he thought about it ending. Castiel thanking him and then asking Dean to return to his own room. Spending the nights with a hallway between them, going back to just being friends and hunting partners.</p>
<p>The warmth turned to a cold stone that made it hard to breathe.</p>
<p>“Hey, Cas?” Dean said before he could let fear hold him back. “What if… I stayed after your heat ended too?”</p>
<p>Castiel went very still in his arms. For a terrifying moment, Dean thought he’d ruined this and wouldn’t even get the next couple of days with Cas. Slowly, Castiel shifted until he was facing Dean, a cautious smile on his face.</p>
<p>“You want to stay?”</p>
<p>Dean nodded.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I really do, Cas.”</p>
<p>Castiel hummed like he was mulling it over, but the smile on his face and the bright look in his eye told Dean everything he needed to know.</p>
<p>“What else do you want?”</p>
<p>Dean had had plenty of time over the years to think about exactly what else he wanted. Like a floodgate opening, all those thoughts and desires rushed out.</p>
<p>“I want you to move into my room and make it ours. I want to fall asleep like this every night and wake up the same way every morning. I want to hold your hand every chance I get and kiss you even more. I want people to know I’m taken and I want them to know it’s by you.”</p>
<p>Castiel’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, and he was smiling so hard it had to hurt. But Dean knew his moment of bravery was closing fast, and he wanted to put all his cards on the table before then.</p>
<p>“And, I want... I want to show you how much I love you. Every day. ’Cause you should know.”</p>
<p>A tear slipped down Castiel’s cheek and soaked into the pillow, but his smile never wavered. He nodded and pulled Dean into a kiss. It was clumsy and a little off-center because they were laying down, but Dean didn’t care. It was more perfect than anything he’d imagined over the years.</p>
<p>“Yes. Yes, I want everything you just said,” Castiel whispered against his lips. “I love you, Dean.”</p>
<p>Dean let out a shaky breath. He hadn’t realized he’d been holding it, maybe for years, until he heard those four words. But they made something click into place, like he’d been walking around with a piece of himself rattling around. Now he felt settled. As much as he pretended not to be a sap, he knew what it was. It was Cas finally fitting into his life the way he was always meant to. Dean had never felt like this about anyone else. Not Cassie, not even Lisa. They never felt like they were part of him, had never wormed their way in that deep.</p>
<p>But Castiel, he was it for Dean. He was it long before they ever kissed, and if Castiel had rejected him just now and walked out of his life, he still would have been it for Dean. There was no room in his heart or soul for anyone else. He knew he would love Castiel beyond his last breath.</p>
<p>There was something else Dean wanted. It was too early to ask for it yet, but he was confident when the time was right, Castiel would say yes. One day, he wanted to wear a ring and introduce Castiel as his husband.</p>
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